That is, until something changed. The tiniest of them all needed the comfort of that jacket again, her bright future had suddenly become uncertain again. She didn’t have to ask for it, it was just pulled from the back of the closet and put into duty again. The hope was that the jacket that had sheltered & comforted them all would once again do the same for her and help her through the uncertainty. Although, it may once again be comforting to her, the jacket will most likely not be seeing her through rough times to better times. It will most likely be seeing her from rough time to rough time as it has found itself in the psychiatric hospital with her while she is facing a very serious diagnoses for mental illness.

If that jacket has feelings, then it must be feeling as hopeless as I am about that tiniest girl’s future. Although, we are still not sure what is going on with her, it is very clear that she is facing a lifelong illness and that her life will be made much more difficult by it. It’s such a shame to see such a vibrant young girl facing the shining possibilities of her life, only to pulled away from all that possibility. Yanked away like she was a rag-doll made to live locked away in her own mind. I’m afraid for her and the future of that Billabong jacket, I fear that their innocence and promise will be lost forever and that makes me sad.

While I don’t agree with his conclusion exactly, I do understand his reasoning. My friend has a family member who is drug addict and who has lost her children. She has had all sorts of help, both public and private, over the years and used it not to better herself and to provide for her children, but has scammed the system in order to party more. My friend believes that her addictions, lack of initiative & responsibility and her general downward spiral were enabled by all this help and that if she wasn’t able to rely  on those monthly checks and other assistance she would have had no choice, but to clean herself up, get a job and otherwise lead a productive life.

I just don’t know. I don’t know his family member well enough, but I do think there are people who will go down into the deep of addiction and self-hate no matter what their circumstances are. I also know that our personal experiences without a doubt help shape our social, cultural and political outlooks.

My personal feelings about whether public assistance is good or bad for people come from my personal experience. Up until the time I was seven, my mother and I lived with one drunken abusive man after another. I was never beaten, although I routinely saw my mother beaten and verbally abused,  but I was generally terrorized by the whole experience. I was a fearful, sad little ragamuffin of a girl.

But when I was seven, my mother left the worst of the men and moved out on her own. She received food stamps, welfare and help from my grandparents. She was also a cocktail waitress. More importantly though, she started community college and eventually earned her Master’s Degree in Psychology. What that meant was that we never lived with another abusive man out of necessity again. She was able to earn enough money to care for children.

Now, life was still not a picnic. My mother had underlying mental illness issues that ensured that, but I didn’t feat for her life and mine on a daily basis…something which can be really horrible for a child’s growth and development into a relatively normal adult.

I am now an adult and, although a little weird and not without some baggage, I am relatively well-adjusted. I credit this to the public assistance and other help my mother received which enabled her to pull herself together and at least provide a more stable environment for her children.

My mother is now back on public assistance, and has been since I was a young adult, as a result of her mental issues & persoanlity flaws, but it’s just her now as all of her children are out of the house.

Back to my friend, while my experience with public assistance is one of the best possible outcome given the players and circumstances, his is not so apparent.

Who’s right? If that’s even the appropriate question. And what can be said about our social, moral and ultimately political response to these two stories?

If my friend is right, is it okay to give assistance to all knowing that it is hurting some, while helping others? And if I’m right, does that mean that we give assistance to all knowing that it’s never going to help some, but at least all those resources are going to some who make use of them?

I’m not sure, but I do know my reaction is to give assistance to all those who appear to need it and hope for the best. And my friend’s reaction is to enact tough love hoping that will solve the need some have for assistance.

The freakin’ Internet is awesome.

Know what I mean?

Or I am I just overwhelmingly violent in my imaginary life?

Well, here’s the thing…I forgot that I had purchased some intimate products for the hubby and myself….some condoms and a Durex Play Vibrating Ring.

Well, wouldn’t you know, that’s the bag my daughter’s boyfriend chose to unpack.

You want to talk about some awkward turtle…

My brother told me I should get a tattoo with all my cats, past & present, on my arm. Umm, I don’t think so. I may be a crazy cat lady, but not that crazy.

There’s not enough coffee in the world to help one get over this kind of awakening.

- attributed to anonymous